Troll Guide

TrollHunter’s Feeld Guiyd tu ICHC Trolls 1.0

trollus artificius, aka the “photoshopped” troll
Recognaizd bai the short and repetitive crai uv, “Photoshopped!”

trollus custodius, aka the caretroll
Reddily aidentifaid bai skreems uv, “Don’t do dis wif yor poor kitty!” Awften berry self-rychus, convinsed that cheezpeeps whu faind the lol amewsing aer being krewl and the fotografur waz abewsive. May attempt tu inkrees perseevd status wif klaims uv profeshunal eggspurtees.

trollus fatuus, aka the “you talk stupid” troll
This speeshees displayz the typikal troll lak uv mental fleksibilitee and limited sens uv hyoomur kwait cleerlee. T. fatuus, being unabul tu unnerstand lolspeak oar the wit rekwired fur it, labuls it az childish, stupid, a sine uv illiterasee, and similar. Can be recognaizd bai crais uv, “Yew tawkz beh-beh tawk; gidda reel lief!” and variashuns thereuv.

trollus libertas, aka the freespeech troll
Can be fownd insisting awn freedum uv teh speeking dere mind, but ur pinyun not be nesissairee. Plz tu taek note uv teh commun beeleef in this speeshees that “freedum uv speeking” applais awnlee tu teh t. libertas.

trollus nihilectus, aka the “neber reeds commints” troll oar “drive-by” troll
Reddily aidentifaid, this be the “Ebberybuddee alreddee sedded it 10 timex but I’m not gunna reed ennyfing but I’ll post it wun moar time!” troll, pawsiblee the most commun speeshees.

trollus notafelis, aka the “nawt a lolcat” troll
May be fownd complayning, sumtiems wif profanitee, abaout lols that portray aminlols uvver than cats. This speeshees haz an inabilutee tu reed the taglyne “Lolcats n Funny Pictures”.

trollus pontificatus, aka the polly tikul oar relijus troll
Can be aidentifaid despite the varaitee uv crais, which oftun can be translayted tu, “I hatez yor polittical [oar relijus] vyewz an I despizes yor wai ov puttin things!” This speeshees freekwentlee inflikts vyews uv polly ticks oar relijun awn uvvers, stating oar implai-ing that no wun wif intellijunce cud haold an oppozing vyew.

trollus precognius, aka the “seen it alreddy” troll
Recognaized bai the crai uv, “I sawr dis pishoor befoar (inna WalMart/kard shop, on dis site, etc. etc.)” oar variants such az “Re-run!”

trollus primus, aka the “first!” troll
Recognaizd bai the short, repetitive and oftun inakurat crai uv, “First!” awn a new thread.

trollus rongnomus, aka the identification troll
Wun uv tu speeshees noted fur an eggsessivlee litteral mentalitee, combained wif the limited sense uf hyoomur and mental rigiditee uv the troll genus. Wun uv the most commun speeshees. Aidentifaid bai crais uv, “Wai ar yoo cawling tehm ‘sumthing’ wen tehy ar cleerlee ‘sumthing else'” Oftun crossbreeds wif t. nihilectus, and oftun travels in larj groops.

trollus splenocopia, aka the spiteful troll
This speeshees haz tu subspeeshees, but bof can be aidentifaid bai the draiv tu belittul uvvers and yoos the raytings tu du sew.
trollus splenocopia reductio, aka the “poynts taken away” troll, pawsiblee eggstinkt
trollus splenocopia minimus, aka the “wun burger” troll, pawsiblee eggstinkt

trollus tedius, aka the “nawt funny” troll
Recognaized bai inabilitee tu see hyoomur in lols and a draiv tu shaer this defishunsee wif ebrywun else. Reddily aidentifaid bai short repetitive crai, “Dis not funny!”

trollus trollisimus, aka the “trollier-than-thou” troll
(preeviyuslee categorized as Trollerus Troglodytus Superioritus Egotus)
The troll’s troll, a troll hoo can owt-troll enneewun, enneetyme, enneewear.

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Uvver Troll Informashun Rezorsis
Plz tu inform if yu iz knowing uv uvvers, oar credit iz missing

Gremlin’s Slightly Amended Troll Taxonomy
(fankies tu Gremlin, cweenmj, JanetCanHas4Kittehs, lolcatburglar)
1. Da “dis not funny” troll.
2. Da “don’ do dis wif yor poor kitty!” troll (aka caretroll)
3. Da “poyntz takin awai” troll
4. Da “photoshopped!” troll
5. Da “I hatez yor polittical vyewz an I despizes yor wai ov puttin things” troll
6. Da “yew tawkz beh-beh tawk; gidda reel lief!” troll
7. Da “I sawr dis pishoor befoar (inna WalMart/kard shop, on dis site, etc. etc.)” troll
8. Da “ebberybuddee alreddee sedded it 10 timex but I’m not gunna reed ennyfing but I’ll post it wun moar time!” troll
9. Da “wai ar yoo cawling tehm ’sumthing’ wen tehy ar cleerlee ’sumthing else’” troll10.Da “wun burger” troll (vry simular to “poyntz takin awai” troll)
11. Da “trollier than thou” troll (aka Trollerus Troglodytus Superioritus Egotus) a troll hoo can owt-troll enneewun, enneetyme, enneewear.
12. Da “Freedum uv deh speeking dere mind but ur pinyun not b nesissairee” troll.

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JD’s Kwik Troll Identification Form
Tick boxes az appropriate.
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[] Iz troll improperly bathed adn dressed?
[] Duz troll’s teef stink?
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Duz troll hab:
[] Troll (Visitor) ore
[] Troll (Natib) ID badge?
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Iffen suspected tu be a caretroll, duz troll hab:
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[] nawtk sekkond aid
[] nawt sekkond kool-aid
[] CHRG coopons
[] season tikkits fore teh nawty barn
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Iffen suspected tu be an angrytroll, duz troll hab:
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[] 13 dwarbes adn a hobbit
[] a goggie standing ober dem
[] teh appeerence ob beeing a goggie
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Duz troll attack:
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[] Memes
[] Mimes
[] Momes
[] Mumes
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Tick the wun teh troll reacks tu by running rownd in small circles:
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[] Catnip (den it’s a kitteh)
[] Aniseed (den it’s a goggie)
[] Choklit (den it’s at leest hoomin)
[] Acorn oil (it’s a sqwirril!)